I’m going to tell you a story of a pirate crew and how they met their watery grave . . . “All right me’ hearties were setting sail through the seven seas “shouted the pirate captain .An hour after after they left port they saw that the water beneath the boat turned crimson red .The day became misty and through the mist they saw or more commonly known as the flying Dutchman . As the ghost ship neared the crew bombarded it with cannon balls but it would not work , the crew scuttled around the ship frantically but the captain stood his ground as he new his ship would sink .As the ship sank the ghost captains laugh echoed through the sea . . .
Hello Senan,
I’m very sorry for the lateness of this comment.
I like how clearly and confidently you open your story – it suggests your narrator’s authority while highlighting their possible bias, too. You use the language and motifs of pirate stories perfectly, with the familiar phrases like “watery grave” and “seven seas” enjoyably placing the reader in this fictional world. I would recommend that you reread your stories several times before posting them, as there are a few typos (you have forgotten one of the names of the ghost ship, were/we’re, they/their, captains/captain’s). These are small mistakes that I’m sure you would catch if you looked for them. My only other tip would be that you also look for clarity when rereading, as there were moments when I wasn’t sure which ship was doing what. Apart from that, this is a great story with good vocabulary, a powerful and self-aware narrative voice, and a satisfyingly eerie tone. Well done!
All the best,
Elise (Team 100) – Coventry 🙂
thank you for your kind feedback and I will try to look out for any more mistakes